Oxymoron right? This describes me perfectly.
"I feel left out" "Nobody understands me". "I just feel overlooked". "Why do they always pick them and not me?" Ever said any of these phrases? I have. It's an identity crisis that taunts people, especially loners. However, these are likely symptoms of being set a part.
I remember, even from childhood how much I wanted to be like everybody else. I wanted to wear the same clothes as others. I wanted to be in the popular circles. I just wanted people to see and understand ME. I would go over and beyond to "be seen" and it would always backfire. I would still feel left out and lonely. This has plagued me for all of my 31 years to be honest. As I got older I began to say things like, "I don't need anybody anyway, I'd rather be alone." Which was only half truth. The truth was I was crying for attention that I was not receiving and the pain made me pull away from people. If anybody can relate to this then you know how the lonely period can lead your thoughts on an emotional roller coaster. I have battled depression, had thoughts of what life would be like if I was not here, and all of those things the enemy attacks us with during our alone seasons.
BUT.....
One day God sent me a great friend who broke it all the way down for me. These moments of inadequacies for me all boiled down to the spirit of rejection that I have always suffered with. Now, I am still trying to trace the origin of where this came from and that is my journey. But, when that was broken down to me it changed me. I was enlightened to figure out why I suffered so terribly.
Spirit of rejection defined: an attack of our purpose in life and destroys our self esteem. It can come from so many places. For me, I experienced a lot of disappointment in my relationships. Whether it was someone breaking my heart, walking away from me, lying on me, and so on and so forth. The bad things that happened to me defined me in my mind. I thought I was not good enough to have a husband and children. I thought I wasn't smart enough to execute a good idea and be successful. I thought I wasn't strong enough to overcome my shortcomings. The problem was, I just kept inserting myself into the equation and not the One who has accepted me all along. God loved me just the way I was all along! He did not reject me. He said I am good enough, pretty enough, smart enough and His plan was to always use me for His glory with what I have! He loved me all along. Regardless of who has walked away or discounted what you brought to the table, God loves you!! When you sit down and really think about that thing it will free you. My story has so many moving parts but it all points back to God's love. God's love delivers me daily. Like I stated earlier, I am still on this journey to total dependency on God. My insecurities try to get the best of me from time to time but when I bring God into the equation and dwell on His love I am instantly filled with peace.
This is a journey, not an overnight cure. You are going to have to work towards total dependency on God. If you are asking God to fix your spirit of rejection and heal from insecurities you must expect the devil to attack that area. And it won't be a small attack either. Total dependence on God completely takes the enemy's power away from him and he's going to fight to keep you bound.
For every rejected, left out, lonely, misunderstood, overlooked individual: they may not see you but God has always seen you. You are very visible to Him. Don't lose sight of Him. He sees you and you are visible!
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